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Saturday, 10 October 2009

Aint That Just Peachy

Nah, real talks, today was nuts. You know when you just feel angry cos of like a million reasons and nothing seems to be going right? I had one of them days man....

I have two brothers, one is 19 and the other is 16, they share a room. The 19 year old wasn't feelin well - he has flu...really bad...I hope it's not swine...- but anyway, we had to do a bit of a reshuffle in terms of sleepin arrangements. My mum slept with the one with the cold so she could give him a bitta TLC. My dad slept in my room and me and the 16 year old slept in my brothers' room.

Obviously being used to sleepin by myself, I argued with my bro about keepin the heater on and other silly lil things like that but eventually I fell asleep....

Approximately 7 hours later I was rudely awoken by a BRIGHT light in my face and my lil bro getting dressed and sprayin all sorts of deodorants and frangrances man...I'm a light sleeper when not in my natural habitat. I tried to snooze for a bit it didn't work but somehow I ended up getting up 20 minutes later than usual?... so that had me pissed off anyway...

About 2 hours after that, I was walkin from the bus stop to my office and I thought to myself  'These shoes feel weird man' so I looked down. I saw that the edge of the right shoe was frayed so I stopped - without looking around to see who was in the vicinity - and took off my shoe. My heart skipped a couple beats and then stop for about half a second or something....there was a BIG hole! OmG, I couldn't believe it! How could I have missed this when I was getting dressed this morning? There was actually no excuse!

I quickly put my shoe back on did a 1, 2 step into my office, making sure that I moved my feet too fast for anyone to get a closer look. As soon as I had showed face, I went to the toilet to assess the visual damage...sheesh, it was nuts, you could actually see brown skin through the shoe if you knew where to look...not cool man!

Allow walkin around the office, getting some hot chocolate with my lil toe stickin out. I felt like such a tramp, I couldn't believe it....

I went back to my desk and sat down which in itself was odd...I treat work like how I used to treat the LRC at uni; there for a serious purpose but more like a social club.

I managed to not get up for like an hour but then I was just like 'eff it, you need to sort this out' so I took a few pieces of scrap paper, my stapler and some cellotape on the pretence of doing some sorta office related task. I ran to the toilet, put the lid down, wiped it and sat. For the next 10 minutes I tried (and failed) to patch repair the shoes but to no avail. Everytime I would think that the staple had held it in place, I would put my foot in and then...POP!

It was the end of my £4 Primani shoes that had seen me through my funkier, brighter days of the last 2 years...R.I.P 

I took an early lunch and bought some hott high heels....too high for work but what could I do...gotta work with watcha got

Just when I started feelin semi-ok, I had some ruuuuudddee tenant on the phone to me, being all condescending and sh*t, I may have a baby face but i'm not a 3 year old.

Then on top of that I got a phonecall from my friend tellin me that something that should have been sorted out about 4 weeks ago was 'still in the process'....arrrggghhh!

Just when I was gettin ready to go home, it starts rainin and my NEW shoes are suede...

I was not in a jovial mood hence the lack of visual stimulants

The range of emotions experienced today beggars belief

Tuesday, 6 October 2009

Why Can't We All Just Get Along???

I was at the doctors this morning (I get bad migraines) just sitting down minding my own bizz, reading my book. The waiting room consisted of: a middle aged black man, an elderly white couple, a young black girl aged about 16, another old white man and two old black ladies, one Nigerian - I know this cos she tried to engage me in a bitta convo - and one Caribbean. 


So there we were....

The two black ladies were there talkin about being referred to hospitals and the Caribbean lady was talkin about how she wanted to be referred to Guys cos she doesn't like Kings College Hospital. As she was saying this, a 30something white man walked in and was like "Kings College is tha best hospital in the UK" and the Caribbean lady (who I have fittingly dubbed 'Dread' on account of her grey dreadlocks) was like "No they are not" and the man was like "Yes they are" and Dread was like "No they are not, just leave me alone... they killed my mother!"


>>>>When she said that the man made a facial expression similar to this>>>>


                                                                                                          *Yes, this is Elvis

Then he went to sit down...he sat next to the elderly white couple and said "Kings College really is a great hospital" and the wife outta the elderly couple looked at him and said "I don't really wanna know mate"

The guy made that expression again (see above) and started mumbling to himself "They are a really good hospital...I dunno why....(the rest was unitelligible)" I think this guy was the President of the National Union of Kings College Hospital or something....

"Shhhhuuuuuttt UP!" This was said by the middle aged black man who I have dubbed 'Derek' (as in Derek from Big Brother 6, the gay, bald headed black man) cos he had a bald head and was very camp, if not gay. He spoke with a hiss and a slight African accent.

The following conversation went something like this:

President: You talkin to me mate?

Derek: Yes, I am

President: What's your problem mate?

Derek: You...you are my problem. You're just talkin about the hospital, nobody cares what hospital you think is better. We are all here because of our own problems and you are just getting on everyones nerves by talking, nobody cares.

At this point, President just went quiet, I felt kinda sorry for him.

I thought the situation was over until...

Dread: HOW DARE YOU? How dare you speak to that man like that? He may be ill or have mental issues and you're just being rude to him.


Derek: Oh please, here we go. Stay out of it, you just shouted at him aswell so don't talk to me about anything.

Dread: That's very rude. You're a rude man.


Derek: And you too, you're a hypocrite. Getting involved when you did the same thing that I did. You shouted at him talking about your mother...who cares that your mother died. That's your own business.

That was rude man....I'm always weary of people that have no respect for the dead...

Dread: Oh shut up. You foolish man.

Derek: Don't get me angry today...you slave

WTF! Did he just say what I thought he said?...Yes he did....ahhh sh*t, he took it there 

Dread: What! It's because you don't know yourself thats why you're saying that. If you knew yourself you would be ashamed to say something like that.

Derek: Yes I do know myself, you're the one who doesn't know herself that's why you are acting like an idiot

Dread: Shut up. How long have you been in this country? Nine weeks? I have been coming to this surgery for over forty years!

Derek: Why is my immigration status any of your concern?


They went back and forth with eachother. During this time I learned that Derek was a psychological doctor of some sort and that Dread had four daughters who were all qualified nurses. Evryone in the surgery was ping-ponging their necks from Derek to Dread to see who would come up with the next sting...


Dread: You're calling me a slave, atleast we don't go on t.v begging. Everytime I turn on the t.v, I see one of you people begging for money and food. Cretin


Derek: Well atleast we weren't sold down the river. [This was said with a flick of the wrist]

Dread: You should be ashamed of yourself, you gay [I thought it was only my mum who said 'You gay']

Cue some more verbal warfare....

Ping! That was the sign thingy telling me that I should go to room 2 to see Dr Krishna and not a mintue too soon... Don't get me wrong, I love a bitta Public Drama but that was too much man. How could they be cussing eachother like that. What Derek was saying made me ashamed to be African, both of them made me ashamed to be black.

I can only imagine what the white people in the room were thinking...

I've heard Africans call Caribbeans slaves before, I've never really thought it was a nice thing to say but the Caribbeans don't seem to care. They seem happy that they aint African. I really felt to say something but cos buttin in was what caused this whole clash in the first place I thought it best to keep my mouth shut.

It just made me realise how little things have changed in terms of how we, as black people, see eachother. Why we always gotta be beefin eachother all the time man? Africans VS Caribbeans, Nigerians VS Ghanaians, East Africa VS West Africa, South East VS North...At the risk of sounding cliché and corny...Why can't we all just get along???

This month is Black History Month.... The more the years go by, the less I care. And with displays like that, can you blame me?



Thursday, 1 October 2009

Is There A Problem?

I didn't realise how much dedication it takes to maintain a blog, I've been meaning to do an entry for a few days but...well...ya know...

Anywho, how embarrassed was I today?....I had just finished steaming my hair - was very much needed - so I was feelin funky fresh. Picture this: I was going down the escalator on the Underground, listening to Ciara 'Work' on my phone and it gets to that bit where Missy Elliott just keeps saying 'work' over and over again (1min15secs on the vid)...so like a c.h.a.n.t, it gets into my head and I started doing some sorta strut down the steps and as I was approaching the bottom of the escalator, I missed a step and kinda buckled...ohh the shame! Luckily there weren't any cuties about.



Speaking of cuties, I've noticed that there are quite a few of them driving buses and working in Sainsburys.....just an observation....


So i'm on the bus today and at some stop in Blackheath a young-ish couple get on with their baby in a pram...a white man and black woman, both looking very grunge-ified. The guy had long, greasy hair and the girl had purple/pink extensions that had been in for a hot minute, both in baggy clothes with pictures of Bob Marley and skulls.

A couple stops later two girls get on, one black and one kinda Asian-y (she was wearing some short up, short up shorts like say it was hot outside) The black girl started screwing the couple harrrdcore and was whispering to her friend who then started looking at the couple and giving the baby evils aswell, I mean WTF?!

Meanwhile, the couple clocked they were being death stared and things were a bit tense until the girl and her friend broke eye contact. I was observing all of this from afar....not cool man! What was this girls problem??? What did that couple and the baby ever do to her??? Even if she has a problem with mixed race couples, why did she need to show her displeasure. Some people have no decorum.

It's just typical innit....People just wanna perpetuate the stereotype instead of tryna break it. 


On a lighter note, tomorrow my home country celebrates its 49th year of independence...woop woop! So in keeping with all things Nigerian my CruSSh of the Week is Wale.

Even though his song has been around for a while now, I can't get enough of it. I actually listen to it every morning on the way to work, it gets me in the zonnne.
"My name Wale and I came to get it"

Oh yea, the M.O.B.O's were this evening...true say I haven't watched them for about 3 years now but my dad was watching it and I was eating so I couldn't be bothered to leave the living room...what a load of rubbish. Real talks; something needs to be done. I don't even know why it was so shite cos I wasn't even concentrating but I just know that it was shite...


Things That I Find Attractive....

No. 27
A great sense of humour; I love a guy that can make me laugh. I mean you can be the ugliest person this side of the Atlantic but if you can get me to snort with laughter (not very ladylike I know) then i'm yours

No. 5
Brains; the ability to hold an intelligent convo is a must. Someone who can only wax lyrical about football and how rubbish the plots in EastEnders are is not a keeper

No. 49
iLove/iHate my Mum; the relationship between a man and his mother can tell you alot about him....I dunno what exactly...I just like a guy that likes his mum (but not too much, if ya know what I mean)

I'm gonna leave you with a clip that never fails to make me smile, it's random but hey, that is what this blog is about...



Peace, Love and Unity

Wednesday, 23 September 2009

Whatever Next???

So this evening I went to the kitchen to get a drink and on the fridge door, next to the Thousand Island sauce (hol tite all those that know about Thousand Island sauce) I noticed a box of juice that had been in the fridge for aaages. I thought to myself 'Why aint nobody drank this yet man?!' so I picked it up to see what was wrong with it... It was a box of wine.

Hold on, wine? in a box??  I couldn't believe my eyes! I asked my mum where it came from and she said that my dad brought it back from our recent family vacation this summer....Only in Nigeria ay?



I wonder if I should taste it....



Things That Annoy Me...

No.56.
Girls that pretend to like football; It really gets on my nerves when I go on FaceBook and see girls update their status every two seconds, commenting on a football match when they know they aint got a clue what's going on...I mean who are you tryna impress

No.14.
Waking up in the middle of the night to go toilet in a bit of a daze and almost falling in cos your dad/brother has left the seat up

<<<<<<The look on my face when this happens.....<<<<<<




   No.77.
Twitter; If you're not famous, I just don't see the point...in fact, even if you are famous....what is the point???

I'm gonna leave you to ponder No.77....

Peace Up, A-Town Down

Tuesday, 22 September 2009

Pity Party...Table For One

I finished Uni last year and after 3 years of fun and mayhem, I asked myself 'WHAT NOW?'....A year on and i'm still asking myself that same question.

I work in an office environment doin a bitta admin...it's not glamorous but it pays the bills... But obviously, I don't wanna be doin admin for the rest of my life so it's time to raise up outta this 9to5 before I get pulled in by the £££ signs, but I fear that it may be too late...Damn! I shoulda focused more on the future instead of the present...but when the present is so much fun, who looks ahead?!

The rest of my Uni clique are in various stages of success... a budding fashion designer, future t.v personality, a semi-proffessional record producer, a couple accountants, a physio-therapist, a merchandising assistant (whatever that is) and a fully qualified pediatric nurse...all that's great but what about me?!?!

I think the reason why i'm so annoyed is because before going to Uni I was lead to believe that once I graduated employers would be beating down my door and ringin off my line to offer me a job but my door hinges are fine and my phone stays silent....cha!




As Drake - yes like everyone else at the moment, I Heart Drake - says ''I just wanna be, I just wanna be successful..." How i'm gonna get there, only God knows.



But enough with the pity party; I was in Bermondsey (South East London for those who don't know) this morning on my way to work and I saw a Ugandan Independence rave flyer stuck to the bus map. I dunno why but I found this humourous....

Call me whatever you like but I luuuuurvvve the X-Factor. Granted, it's been a good few years since I've actually belly laughed at the auditions but this Saturdays episode made my lips twitch with amusement. One auditionee in particular stood out like...something that really stands out.

It was atrocious...



Now I have nothing against black lipstick but I do believe that it should be part of a look as opposed to just wearing it for the sake of wearing black lipstick.

The bit where my lip twitches turn into a smile was at 2:01 of this clip...whoever that lady is to her, her expression is classic.

The thing that gets me is that some people really do believe they can sing, they have badmind friends/family etc who give them that encouragement and it's not good...it's eeevvviiiill in my opinion. I mean there's being supportive and there's being real, some people get the two confused.

I mean, that is somebodys mum...ohh the shame!

...and thats the end of that chapter!


Sunday, 20 September 2009

Time To Go Harrd!

I recently bought a new laptop so this means that my blog will get the TLC it truly deserves. No more waiting for one of my brothers to go toilet so I can slip into the computer chair like it's some sorta covert operation.


I'm not really familiar with bloggin etiquette so i'm just gonna jump in there....


This week I went to see 'Gamer' starring Gerard Butler who, by the way, is my CruSSh of the Week


The first 90 seconds had me so baffled, I didn't understand anything that was happening but after my initial lip curl (it's what I do when i'm confused/hungry/displeased...I just like to curl my lips) I found my lip un-tensing when I realised that I could really get into it...which I did. I loved it!


The film is pure action; i'm talkin guns, blood, car crashes, blood, knives, blood...but I had a fair amount of comedy aswell. The first joke of the night came when me and my cinema buddy went to Nandos so he could get something to eat. He ordered pitta bread, cheese and pineapple which musta come to a grand total of like £1.35 or something . I was already laughing at the waitresses face when she took his order but when my friend whipped out his bank card to pay...


Fast forward about an hour and a bit when right in the middle of the film, the screen goes black...it took me a few seconds to realise it wasn't part of the film. Others around me had already clocked that this wasn't supposed to happen when a guy sitting directly behind us goes 'Game Over', imagine this being said in a South American accent and a bit quiet as if he was scared of everyones reaction...I was crackin up.


Another 12 minutes go by when the screen goes black again...my friend slumps low in his seat and goes 'Game Over'...everyone started laughin (my mate is a serious joke stealer). I was creasin the hardest when another guy goes 'It's Game Over...part 2'...this was said in a South American accent aswell (maybe they were friends?) I found this extra funny cos the guy was an 'adder' (my name for people who ride the waves of other peoples jokes by repeating the joke that's just been said and then adding on a lil bit extra) I think 'adders' are some of the funniest people alive so needless to say I was laughin the hardest...


On a completely different topic; I was doin some FaceBookin ealier on today and came across Next Hype by Tempa T posted up on someones page. One of my mates has been going on and on and on about this song so I thought I'd have a listen to it. The deciding factor was knowing it was a funky house remix (I Heart Funky 'Ouse) The lyrics are quite violent but I believe that Funky 'Ouse makes everything sound that much better.


Have a listen...





Over and Out

Sunday, 13 September 2009

Resistance Is Futile...


The Bare Necessities:



Sex: Female
Age: 22
Ethnicity: Black



So....recently a whole bunch of my friends/associates have jumped on this blogging hype so in order to not get left behind, I had to follow suit...it's nutz tho cos I've been wanting to do a blog for aaaaaaages but....yea I dunno why I dint do it.


I think the pivotal point in realising that resistance was indeed futile was on Wednesday... My mood went literally from mellow to down right pissed off, i'm talkin 'get-outta-my-face-unless-you-want-a-serious-beatdown' kinda pissed in the space of 10minutes. (I wont go into why/how I got so annoyed cos it will get me angry all over again)


Cos nobody phoned me and I didn't have any minutes I found myself thinkin 'I need to get this off my chest' and decided that a blog would be an ideal platform to do this....


In a nutshell, this blog is gonna be Bitz'n'Bobz of randomness. Thoughts, feelins, memories etc etc etc...